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Thursday, 07 August 2008

truth

wa seh ...dunno how long how long never blog le...haha
well time passes quite fast..i learned not to emo, i learned not to show the sad side of me to anyone, i learn to pass each day peacefully ,i learn how to live and move on.....but still..i have to face reality like everyone else ..
im writing all this not to whine nor to show how parthetic i am now but well
everyone has a time where he or she cant take it and broke down..well mine is now..hahaha haizz....age is gaining up on me...job not doing so well..dancing ..well i dun even noe im doing it for passion or just to keep myself focus on something..
xiaohei is busy with her work now..how really is she now? i dun noe.... i dun even dare to ask....how useless have i become..hahaha..well no use clinging on to something that had passed...everyone seem to have moved on ..my time seems to have stayed still since dunno when...i slowly do not noe wat im doing le...everything changes everyday..so must i..but i dunno wat im becoming nor wat i wan to become...
i do understand something up til now 25 years ...hahahah im someone that cant live by myself...i can.on the surface...but deep down i long for someone that i can share my bits and pieces with... but then again who dosent? so its just a problem everyone is facing ..its just that how big or how small this thing matters to everyone... to me ,its as important to me as my life..
loving someone and be love.. i have a few ladies in my life which i took for granted...and well here comes karma..hahaha
but then again ,without them i wouldnt be wat i am today..i have learned alot yet lost a lot too...well no pain no gain they said...hahahha
well i really felt better after writing all this .....hmmm so funny ...
all the while in my whole life til now ,ive a dream the onli dream i have ,the onli dream i want,til now it hasnt changed...quite proud but yet stupid to all people it seems
i just wana have a love ,a relationship ,a girl that i wouldnt mind dying for...ye..everyone says that onli happen in movie...or dramas...well whos cares even if is just a movie ,just a drama...i would die for it...wa sound like im taking my life lightly...but well..this is MY dream..hahaha but i think is great...all people all humans , well maybe some dun agree..but i do think that we are all sellfish but then again if there is someone u are able and willing to put infront of u then anything else dun u think that existance is so great? maybe im just a dreamer but well thats me...i think about now then onli im able to think of the future.....to me without now ,how to u build a future?without a reason..wats the future for?
ye...im a sellfish lad too...i wan someone to let me be unselfish to..

i just wanna love and be love

Tuesday, 05 February 2008

zzzZZZ

Day passes each day, nothings new ...just getting use on how to communicate with people with fake smile and fake words.....so tiring...i really envious people that can put up with this but sadly this is how everything works in this world..its nothing new but i really feel disgusted looking at all these but in another way ..its quite amusing to stand aside and look at wat people can do due to selfishness ..
its lucky that im able to stand at a third persons view looking at all these, seeing people saying bad things behind each others back yet extremely friendly on the surface....lol . how did they do that so well? lol the art of communication? hahahahahahaa...well if they have so much things to share behind y cant they open their bloody mouth and say it to the person out loud...its so annoying...
and another thing ,y cant one just admit ones fault ..just admit it and not repeat it again! how hard is that? y put in so much effort trying to deny and find means and ways to push the blame....before u blame anyone ,please turn back and look at yourself, are u totally soooo innocent? lol im afraid not...
well sometime...somethings i dun really understand..like a friend of mine she started dating this guy after persuasion from her friends and that guy really treat her quite well .. she dosent really like that guy ThAT much but she kinda just give it a try..its being 6 mth now... thing arent going that well..that guy is treating her quite badly...how? i dun wanna go into detail..that intruding privacy...lol but just really NOT GOOD at all but guess wat ..my friend ,the one that was just trying out carrys so much feelings for that guy now that she cant let go although she know hanging on is meaningless....shes crying and crying everday thinking of wat to do...she ask for my advise but all i can say is..to let her make her own decision...its her life,her choice just leave no regrets ..love and relationship comes in a package?lol i really dun understand...so contradicting
Reality and dreams..that is the piece of rock people call moon

Wednesday, 23 January 2008

thursday

well, nothing much today as usual but i dunno wats this feeling im having now....
its like im beginning to realize something inportant...the feeling of that something...i dunno how to explain..its like the *it* is always there and the last thing i would expect is for *it* to disappear..but somehow *it*s gone...i feel like crying but maybe its really better this way? i rely to much on *it*...maybe its better if *it*is gone...i will have to realize the fact and reality of im alone ..maybe i will become stronger if i dun have anyone to rely on.....looking back...i dunno how to express but *it*s really something important , i slowly come to realize this when i cant find *it*...the helplessness i felt and the need for *it*...i dunno wat *it* meants to me but i noe its something very precious to me too....but well its gone. :D
wat would u do,if they sky is no longer blue?

Wednesday, 16 January 2008

a new day

hmmm..after a night of rest,i somehow felt better or i have to be better .hahahah wat to do no matter how much i whine about ..things dosent change by itself. ive have to be strong and change everything by my own hand..and well to think of the good side..at least almost everyone over at cwp is in good terms at least on the surface...lets just hope everything is true as it seems ba...
learn to trust and be trusted